US ATTACKS MEXICO (or God Gave Us Donald Trump)

Updated: Nov 29, 2018


US agents fire tear gas across the US/Mexico border.

Well, I guess that puts the United States of America at war with the United States of Mexico . Yes, folks, that’s what Mexico is actually called. As our POTUS often says, "A lot of people didn't know that." Two big problems here.


First, the tear gas was fired in volleys by US forces from the US side of the border into Mexico, which technically makes it an attack on Mexico. True, Mexico hasn’t yet responded in kind or come out with any sort of a declaration of war or appealed to the United Nations after the unprovoked assault. I say 'unprovoked' because there was a tall, impenetrable barrier between frightened US servicemen and that dangerous, unarmed migrant mob largely comprised of mothers and their children. WTF.


An even bigger problem: the use of gas has been banned in warfare for many decades. Sure, it’s routinely used to quell civil unrest at home and nobody can do much about that. But gas attacks across international borders is warfare, pure and simple. Where’s the United Nations in all this? Where are those brave Canadian peacekeepers the UN likes to send to the trouble zones? Oh, right. They just legalized pot in Canada, so I guess we won’t be seeing those guys anymore.


Meanwhile, Kirstjen Nielsen, the homeland security secretary, joined President Trump in defending the use of gas against migrants who hadn’t even crossed onto US soil when they were attacked. She thanked Trump for his combat-ready posture, no doubt hoping he might change his mind about removing her from her post. Trump’s public castigation of Rear-Admiral McRaven for not killing Osama Bin Laden fast enough must have thrown a scare into Secretary Nielsen. She needs to get into a more warlike mode if she wants to keep her job. Well, we shall see what we shall see…


Nielsen insisted that border agents were forced to use tear gas after migrants began throwing “rocks and projectiles” at them. Remember the tall, impenetrable fence? Authorities, she said, were entitled to “self-defense” and had “responded admirably and responsibly to the events on Sunday.” She said it was a “testament to their training and professionalism that no one was injured.” No one was injured on the US side of the border, where the gas canisters came from. Of course not. They were barricaded behind enough razor wire to stretch to the moon and back. Couldn’t they have just waited until the rabble got tired and just went away? Like when pesky salespeople call at your door? Couldn’t they go back to watching reruns of Game of Thrones? No, that wouldn't have been dramatic enough. And it wouldn't have fit with the President's agenda.



Trump called tear gas fired at a migrant caravan that’s still securely ensconced on the other side of the border (behind miles of razor wire, remember?) “very safe.” That’s not what the pictures of terrified children, wheezing and gagging and crying, seem to indicate. Sure. Bullets are safe too, so long as they don’t hit you. And if canisters of noxious gas aren't chemical weapons, then what are they?


Anyway, the point is that technically the United States and Mexico should be at war. Obviously, Mexico lacks the cojones it pretends to have, or perhaps they’re just more cool-headed and diplomatic than their northern neighbour. Or maybe they’re scared shitless about that freakin' wall the President is insisting they're going to pay for.


In any case, here’s a situation where nobody’s right and everybody’s wrong, except the migrants, of course. From all reports, they’re a poor, uneducated, desperate mass of folks driven from their homes by bad government and out-of-control-crime that’s perpetuated by America’s insatiable appetite for drugs. That’s right. We’re to blame.


And as a punishment, God gave us Donald Trump! Like the man said: "A lot of people didn't know that..."

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